Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Blogger profiling

The blog police are at it again. The old ball and chain keeps complaining.

I feel like 50 cent and his loveable crew, people always raining on my parade.

A bunch of changes were made which you will never notice anyway but they were made. No go leave me alone little Miss Michigan.

The official record below.

Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2005 16:54:41 -0700
From: "Blogger Support"
Subject: Re: [#260653] Notice of Blogger Terms of Service Violation


Thank you for following up. Please note that Blogger Terms of Service
prohibit users from impersonating other individuals on their blogs. For
more details, please visit:

Therefore, it will be necessary for you to remove 'Jessica Coen' and
any content impersonating this individual from .
As previously noted, if you do not comply by 8/11/05, we will be forced to
delete your blog and/or terminate your Blogger account.

Blogger Support

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Fish out of water

Did I mention being chosen as a panelist for a panel I don't belong? I've been invited to now waste your time in person. The mighty mighty media center offered me free breakfast and I was in.

What a mistake, what more can Jessica 1.0 possibly say. Better yet, with a lineup of experts attending, is anyone listening anyway?

Daddy's watching

Someone from this law firm was visting for 16 minutes and 9 seconds.

Funny, this
guy works there too.

I am touched.

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Monday, August 08, 2005

Jessica 1.0 sends the Gestapo

Someone's a bitch!

I received the email below a short while ago threatening to delete this blog if I don't take Jessica 1.0's info out of my profile.

Maybe everyone should email these Gestaponese
and tell them I am within my right. Either way Jessica 2.0 is not backing down till at least- late-late- tomorrow night and then an Atkins hunger strike will follow.

Date: Mon, 08 Aug 2005 17:35:48 -0700
From: "Blogger Support"
Subject: [#260653] Notice of Blogger Terms of Service Violation


We have received a complaint of impersonation concerning your blog We ask that you please remove any content
impersonating this individual from your blog (e.g., the 'Jessica Coen'
name and picture in the About Me section and as the display name -
pleasesee our Blogger Help article for details on how to do this: ).

Please note that if you do not comply by 8/11/05, we will be forced to
delete your blog and/or terminate your Blogger account.
Blogger Support

No such thing as brotherly love

My brother in arms weighs in on my new blog albeit briefly.

Jesse writes:
shame it's not funny or amusing or intriguing or anything...

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Pope Jennings

I wish my step-brother would start taking bets on how much overcoverage the death of Peter Jennings generates.

Not only will there will be special segments all week long and related news stories, but I bet 3-1, lung cancer will become a hotly debated item and become an excuse for networks to bring in more pundits and medical experts to extend the coverage.

Looks like Peter will be reporting from the grave afterall.

Nadine apologizes for being short

Regarding her interview Nadine writes:

"Sorry my answers are so short! All I had at the beach was a stack of post-it notes and my sidekick, neither of which are very conducive to lengthy responses. Oh, well - sincerely hoping I don't come across as a glib jackass. By the way, I met somebody this weekend who claims to know you (or to have known you at some point) - her name is Caroline and she's Asian, from Trinity HS. I think a Gawker party crash would be *fantastic*." ~ nadine

*Nadine, no need to apologize since we too know how hard it is to go to the beach, relax, and try and answer 19 shallow questions, pressure was on.

I am afraid that the 'glib jackass' stereotype will be following you around for a while no matter who your publicist
is. As far as Caroline, that is Nick's little love slave and my intern that we send out to Gawk, get our drugs, and buy Jesse razors.

It would be great to get the Gawker party crashers to show up at your 25th B-Day party at Marquee. Well if we can't make it on August 24th at 10pm for a one hour open bar at least some people we know can. But can someone please get me my goodie bag?

UPDATE: Jesse Fuller, Nadine's not so smart publicist, warns us to take down the interview

To Whom It May Concern:

We have been alerted to your scam of misrepresenting yourself as Jessica Coen of and have alerted our attorneys. We suggest that you take down your interview with Nadine Haobsh that was intended for, or face legal action.

Jessie Fuller

*Sorry Jessie, next time you should do a little fact checking!

Sunday, August 07, 2005

More Nadine

Not only did Nadine's new found publicist, Jesse Fuller, send me these cell phone images, but she was also grateful enough to provide captions as well.

here's nadine after msnbc on the way to the first book agent meeting

Nadine at 360

in car service in times sq.. Bad lighting but cute Nadine

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I wanted to wait till Monday morning to post this, but gossip can't wait and this ain't Gawker.

19 Questions: Nadine Haobsh, Former annoymous blogger now world famous job hunter

Date: Sun, 7 Aug 2005 21:07:14 -0400
Subject: Fw: RE: FW: the real jessica stands up
To: Jessica Coen

From: "Nadine Haobsh"*
*No other blogs give readers tools like this.

Hey Jessica,
Here you go - hope they're up to the Gawker standards! ;)

1. When we emailed you months ago were you getting nervous that your Blog was getting too much attention?

Nervous? Moi? I was simply giddy that you deigned to notice li'l ol'

2. Be honest about the mass email that got you caught, did you mean to send it?

Definitely not. Fun, cushy job with free highlights and massages
thrown in for kicks? I would have held onto that forever.

3. Do you think that blogging about work or inside secrets is in poor

In theory: no. Down with the corporate machine! Truth and sincerity
shall prevail! In actuality: um, yes. Can I have my job back now, please?

4. When did you lose your virginity? Did you kiss and tell or keep it
secret? Who was it?

A lady never kisses and tells.

5. Who are you dating, has the fame gotten you access to some men with
private jets?

I'm holding out for a contract like Katie's. 10 mil for 5 years, baby.

6. If Nick Denton was to start a Gawker beauty and fashion blog do you
think you would be a good candidate?

Absolutely. My platform:
1) Thou shalt wear mascara at all times
2) Bouncy, shiny hair equals happiness
3) Kate Moss may be crazy, but sartorially she can do no wrong

7. Who is your least favorite reporter/columnist/journalist?

Oh, I think I've already burned enough bridges this month.

8. You have become a sort of insta-media star, what do you think of the
fame? Was it worth it?

Honestly, I don't think so. I let down people I care for - not a great

9. Do you suggest Conde Naste employees blog secrets so they too can
get a book deal?

Secrets? EVERYONE knows Lancome has the best mascara.

10. Are you worried that you’ve become famous for doing something
wrong? Kind of like how Monica Lewinsky became famous.

Wait, you mean people aren't interested in me because of my winning
smile and impossible-to-pronounce last name?

11. Who is the biggest bitch at Ladies Home Journal?

Apparently, it was me.

12. What is the worst product/brand/ that LHJ praised?

We genuinely loved everything we praised...but maybe we liked the
advertiser products a tad more.

13. How much free stuff did LHJ really receive. Did it ever pass down The ranks or was it always the treasures of the editors?

Our beauty closets contained enough face cream to hydrate and soften the entire Eastern seaboard. Luckily for the copy editors, we were generous.

14. Do you think you should have been fired or that Ladies Home Journal overreacted?

Well, I wasn't fired...but yes, I do think my intentions were
misinterpreted, unfortunately.

15. What are your future plans?

Nick, my darling, I'm waiting by the phone.

16. Do you think that it is wrong for editors to get so much free shit?
We love here it at Gawker.

Seriously, who doesn't like free stuff??

17. LHJ said you were immoral, is there anything you can accuse them of
that pales in comparison?

Did they really say that? I only heard a 'no comment'.

18. If you could say anything to the unruly Gawker readers what would it

You're fine. Washing your hair is totally overrated anyway.

19. Any shoutouts?

Go see The Walkup August 20th at Don Hill's. And, for the love of God, start watching Veronica Mars. That is all.

I could throw in my tagline 'Stay beautiful!' here, but a friend
pointed out that it reminds her of Ron Burgundy's 'Stay classy, San Diego!'.

And, you know, that's not quite the desired effect. :)
~ Nadine

Photo credits: Jeremy Nelson

Cellphone images of Nadine after the jump.

Two Faced Fags

No matter what you think about A lists or B-lists or C-lists these guys are two-faced pricks.

First he blogged how he liked the blog. Then he changed positions faster then those Paris and Paris kids. Finally, this spineless sub human IM'd me and changed his story again saying it's ok to post family stuff if my alter ego herself put it out there in the blogoshpere.

Judge me how u want, but there is no reason that us snarcacists should recieve any more protection then the celebrites we slam. As for Blogebrity, kiss my cute little ass and go crawl back under that content-less bullshit two colum site. Jarvis was right, it's all about the links, not your trivial and impotent lists.

At 12:10pm he posted how he hates the site. By approx. 12:38pm he had a complete change of heart. Below is our exchange. Read his bullshit for yourself.

jessicacgawker: listen you rock, don't know why you are taking the high road with me
Decaf Silicon: i appreciate it, but dude, you're nearing what many jurisdictions call stalking
jessicacgawker: it's all stuff she posted
jessicacgawker: how is that possible?
Decaf Silicon: links to her dad and her high school?
jessicacgawker: yeah
jessicacgawker: its all in there like Mott's
jessicacgawker: what do you think I am wearing a trench coat and sunglasses
Decaf Silicon: hmm
Decaf Silicon: you know, if you really did get it all from links she already made
Decaf Silicon: i have to admit
Decaf Silicon: (12:39:36) Me: hmm
(12:39:56) Me: you know, if you really did get it all from links she already made
(12:39:59) Me: i have to admit
Decaf Silicon: that seems pretty fair
jessicacgawker: listen it's all fair, as I mentioned those Gawkerites make their living off shit like this, why should they live in glasshouses
jessicacgawker: and throw stones?
jessicacgawker: they are all big kids, you wan't to revel in the limelight? no problem, just be ready for the heat of the lamps

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Daddy's girl

This guy is partially responsible for yours truly. In a scene that is mentally mortifying and an image I never want to fathom or recall, somehow this guy got really lucky one night and 9 months later out came baby me. Even though I may mention how special July 20th is and how he looks good for 60, please don't call him or send him mail. Google satellite has been reduced to a tool for the Satanic and evil. is a kiss and tell as well.

All this Michigan stuff has got me thinking of my old stomping grounds. How sad self-reflections can be.

Update: Daddy writes back

What can I say, when you've been quoted this very day in the NYT. As I'm (correctly) "partially responsible", you need to wax sentimentally about the other person responsible, AKA Mom. Love, the person f/k/a MPF

Hey now, if I am gonna slam Lindsay and her parents, my parents have to be fair game to some extent too, right?

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Here I am

In ten more days it will officially be my one year anniversary at Gawker. Ah it seems so much has happenned since then. I have been on TV, quoted by countless semi-literate columnists, and was even given special treatment by the most respected voice in the gossip world.

It has been quite a ride and Nick has no plans of replacing me anytime soon. Jesse maybe, but not me, I am too cute and my nice boobs always help.

Anyway today I will color my hair a bit blonder and head to the pet shop and get a trademark doggy for my pocketbook.

I carry a digital camera with me on my daily travels. I post them on Flickr.

Looking forward to a full transformation by year's end.